Five Steps for Adults to Support Healthy Teen Relationships
Step 1: Understand the pressures of teen dating relationships.
Teens have limited prior relationship experiences and may not have a blueprint for healthy relationships.
- Teens are highly influenced by norms among their peer groups.
- Technology is extremely integrated into many teens’ lives and may be used against a dating partner.
Teen Relationships: Teens have more fluid definitions of gender and relationships than previous generations. They are more likely to perceive gender (and relationships) on a spectrum rather than binary.
- 7% of teens identify as LGBTQ
- More teens are likely to be out in their high school, including at highly visible events like prom
- Young people may communicate about relationships in slang
Step Two: Encourage and model healthy and safe relationships. Communicate family values and expectations.
Key Aspects of Healthy Teen Relationships:
- Comfortable Pace
- Trust
- Honesty
- Independence
- Respect
- Equality
- Compassion
- Taking Responsibility for Actions
- Healthy Communication
Discussion Guide For Adults:
- What do you look for in a dating partner?
- Sometimes a dating partner may ask someone to quit things they love, like cheerleading or basketball. What do you think about that?
- When you go out with your dating partner, who pays?
Step Three: Know the definition and warning signs of teen dating abuse.
- Over 80% of parents believe that teen dating abuse is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
- A majority ofparents (58%) could not correctly identify all of the warning signs.
- Teen Dating Abuse (TDA) impacts adolescents from every zip code, income level, race, religion and nationality.
- 1 in 3 adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of TDA, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
Step Four: Reduce isolation for teens.
The most dangerous time for a victim in an abusive relationship is when the relationship is ending. Safety planning is critical to reduce isolation and increase safety.
Tips for Talking to Teens:
- Approach with curiosity rather than judgment
- Do you feel safe in your relationship?
- Do you feel comfortable disagreeing with them?
- Do you feel like you can spend time with your friends?
- Do you have to share your passwords with them?
- I believe you. It’s not your fault.
- Do you feel safe in your relationship?
- Remind Teens of their digital rights > Learn More: Know Your Digital Rights?
- There are many reasons why young people might stay in abusive relationships > Learn More: Why Don’t they just leave?
- Shift to Trauma-Responsive Language
| Instead of | Consider |
|---|---|
| Why don’t you just leave? | What do you need right now? |
| You need to…. (tell, report, etc.) | Is there anything you’ve tried that has helped / made you feel safer? |
| You should call... (resource) | I know a few places that might help, would you like to look together? |
| That’s abusive and I’m making a report. | Offer mandatory reporting disclaimers at the beginning of the conversation and periodically throughout. |
| That’s just how relationships are. | You’re not alone in what you’re going through. Your description of what’s going on makes sense – I believe you. |
| I was in that situation and then I realized my own self-worth and left. | I have experienced something similar and I’m glad you opened up to me. |
| Anything you need, call me, day or night, no matter what, I’m there. | Here are a few ways I could support you, would any of these sound helpful at this point? |
Step 5: Increase Safety for Teens
- What I’m seeing/hearing makes me concerned for your safety.
- You may be afraid the abuse will get worse if you tell someone. But it is actually likely to get worse over time on its own; being alone in this increases the danger for you.
Safety Resources:
